sometimes

"If I could take a bite of the whole world

And feel it on my palate
I’d be more happy for a minute or so...
But I don’t always want to be happy.
Sometimes you have to be
Unhappy to be natural...

Not every day is sunny.
When there’s been no rain for a while, you pray for it to come.
So I take unhappiness with happiness
Naturally, like someone who doesn’t find it strange
That there are mountains and plains
And that there are cliffs and grass...

What you need is to be natural and calm
In happiness and in unhappiness,
To feel like someone seeing,
To think like someone walking,
And when it’s time to die, remember the day dies,
And the sunset is beautiful, and the endless night is beautiful...
That’s how it is and that’s how it should be..."

Fernando Pessoa (3/7/1914)

I do not know how many souls I have

"I do not know how many souls I have.

Each moment I have changed.

Feeling myself always as a stranger.

Never have I seen nor found myself.

Being so much, yet only soul I have.

Those who have souls have no peace

He who sees is just what he sees

He who feels is not he who he is.

Attentive to what I am and what I see,

Turns me into them and I am not I.

Each of my dream and desire

Is his who owned and not mine.

I am my own landscape

I witness my own journey,

Diverse, moving and alone,

I can’t feel myself where I am.

That’s why, like a stranger I read

The pages of my being.

What will follow I can’t prevent

What has passed I forget.

I note at the margin of what I read

What I thought I felt.

Rereading I say: “Was it I?”

God knows, because he wrote it. "

Fernando Pessoa



FERNANDO PESSOA- PASSAGEM DAS HORAS

poftiti, domnilor!

poate ca nu.

 'Daca aceasta dimineata si aceasta intalnire se desfasoara in vis, fiecare din noi trebuie sa-si inchipuie ca cel care viseaza este el. Poate ca vom inceta sa visam, poate ca nu. Deocamdata, obligatia noastra evidenta este aceea de a accepta visul, asa cum am acceptat universul si faptul de a ne fi nascut si de a privi cu ochii si de respira.

- Si daca visul va dura?

Pentru a-l linisti si a ma linisti, am simulat un calm pe care, in mod sigur, nu-l aveam. I-am spus:

- Visul meu a durat mai bine de 33 de ani. Si, de altminteri, atunci cand te destepti, te regasesti, in mod fatal, pe tine insuti. E tocmai ce ni se intampla acum, cu deosebirea, doar, ca suntem doi. Nu vrei sa stii ceva despre trecutul meu, care e viitorul ce-ti sta in fata?

Consimti fara o vorba.' J. L. Borges

apropo de frumos

to let myself flow

pacat!

visez marea

visez tot mai des marea

fluturandu-si valurile transparentei

spre impietritul zidit impietrit

trup al meu

sa te scufunzi

sa te scufunzi in tine insuti pana la epuizare

sa rascolesti geamandura crugurilor

si sa treci dincolo

pana cand iti amintesti de tine

un fel de cal alb fiind-

sa iti urnesti tot mai spre larg

provocarea

pana unde nici cu ochiul abscons

nu mai zaresti zarea

cata singuratate

cata serenitate

neexprimata-

si ce surpriza, caii-  

aici

numai cu ei ma mai inteleg
de la o vreme.

valuri inspumate- coamele lor

explorari fara putinta de tagada

pacat!

pacat ca el are dreptate mereu: 

pacat ca ne-am batut joc si de cai-

spune el.

dar pana la urma

nimic nu ramane fara de plata

in acest dans al astrilor reci

in care nu ne incredem

mai niciodata

si acesta e cel mai infiorator aspect dintre toate

ca nu am invatat sa oprim din radacina

furtuna-

am zarit in larg un val

ca o gura flamanda de furnico-leu intarcat

am inchis repede usa

nu stiu cum se face ca poti gasi o usa  

in largul marii-

si am auzit dincolo de ea

doar ragetele unei fiinte turbate

suspinand de dorul blandetii acolo

in neantul infiorator

de carunt

au imbatrinit turbarile in noi-

inca dam piept in piept cu splendori si grozavii

din acestea

 si pasind stangaci

pe taramul tineretii fara de batranete

si al vietii fara de moarte

imbatranim instantaneu-

am reusit s-o facem

si pe asta

iata un tinut sfasiat de aceiasi balauri

si aceeasi muma salbatica

a padurii

o usa inchisa nu inseamna nimic 

cata vreme-n valea plangerii sculptam

aceleasi degete aratatoare

am invatat?!

nu am invatat nimic-

nici macar sa pasim pe nisipul marii fara sa-i impovaram

stralucirea

am invatat doar sa iscodim caii

sa le admiram

gratia

nobletea

descantecul legendarului nimb-

in rest

mai nimic-

am mai invatat sa inchidem aceeasi usa

dar nici macar nu stim

daca la timp

Я смотря с улыбкой на зарю

... Apoi s-a facut dintr-o data liniste. 

Ce ramane? Ce ramane in suflet, in ganduri, pe amprenta fiintei, dupa zece zile de nebunie, ce ramane? Astazi, doar lumina care mi-a luminat intunericul. Asta da! Asta ramane. Ca e lumina din privire, ca e nobletea gestului, ca e o vorba incurajatoare sau un gand de bine si iarasi de bine, ca e o atingere pe umarul stang, ca e un ochi albastru care nu mai e de caine... Asta ramane. Si drumul de intoarcere spre (a)casa, care a fost sa fie si el deodata cu zorile.

 Daca cineva ti-a vorbit si ti-a atins inima, ramane! Daca cineva te-a privit si ti-a cutremurat fiinta, ramane, desigur ca ramane. Dar si duios anastasia trecea! ramane. Pentru ca ea duios trebuia a pleca...

Cand te retragi si renunti la a-ti face dreptate, ai intregul univers de partea ta. 

Da, si asta ramane!

Si toti oamenii frumosi... Frumosi, frumosi!

Sa ne fie bine! TUTUROR!!! :)

"Life's a deception with bewitching anguish,

And the reason of why she's so strong

Is that life writes in rough handwriting

Fatal characters on her board.

And each time when I close my eyes

This I say: “You just touch my heart.

Life’s deception, but she sometimes

Dresses lie in the joys so bright.

Lift your face up to that gray sky,

Telling fortunes by moon as a guide,

Calm, you mortal, don’t ever ask

For the truth that you need not much.”

It is nice in a bird cherry blizzard

Just to think that our life is a path.

Easy girls, let them cheat, see no reason,

Easy friends let me down - I don’t mind.

Let them fondle with word full of kindness,

Let ill tongue be as sharp as a knife, -

I have lived long prepared for what's coming

I got ruthlessly used to every thing in life.

Soul is chilled when it looks up to heavens,

And no warmth emanates from stellar flame.

Whom I loved have denied and betrayed me,

Who were breath of my life left me pain.

Still I’m here, ever pushed and driven,

Watching dawn with a wistful smile,

On this land so close to me and dear

For everything I’m grateful to this life."

 S. ESENIN-- С. Есенин - "Жизнь - обман..."

Teatr Provisorium- Fratii Karamazov

Fragment din spectacolul "Bracia Karamazow" Teatru Provisorium (Lublin) regia Janusz Opryńsky.